we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
