I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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