He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we're making bets on your personal life
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
