hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
