I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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