I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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