I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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