The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
