Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
