In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
