I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
