I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
