I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
