nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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