so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
