somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can you bring me the toilet please
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
