all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
