it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
