my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
