it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
