Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We had to coat check the pizza.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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