Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
