And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
