tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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