I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
