i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
