im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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