with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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