I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
