my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
