Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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