I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What changed your mind?
Being sober
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
