Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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