Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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