Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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