The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
