I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
