They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
