Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
