I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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