Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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