bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
