"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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