my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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