grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
