P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
