apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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