i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
