I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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