I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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